When we are stuck in a rut -1

Spring at last came after the long preparation for grad school. I thought the deadline in the fall instead of spring may have burneded me less due to the nice summer weather. Unlikely, it turns out false, as I suffer from this warm and cozy atmosphere these days, bothering me to be productive. 

After grad school applications, I mainly read technical journals, practice English or do some productive activities with people like bouldering and swimming. I overestimated my ability to continue this simple routine until the first semester of the master's program started. With my whimsical mind, however, my presumptuous plan ran into difficulties due to the gorgeous weather. For instance, yesterday was a pretty hard day to repress my impulse to allow myself out of the office and go Karaoke because the shiny weather lured me.

I know it is unfair to blame such weather for my negligence. I admit my life has been spontaneous and my plans are sometimes too unrealistic to conduct as scheduled. For a long time, working places that paid me took a role as a discipline to control my desire to idle. I don’t work therefore I need a new rule for an independent being.

If instructions were prepared in advance, I could mechanically follow them whenever my life seem mundane and no motivation around me. I usually lose resilient energy and have no choice but to pause daily life, becoming lethargic. I suppose this state of lethargy occurs periodically but it never feels familiar to me. I find myself weighing the satisfaction of fulfilling my commitments against the enjoyment of setting them aside. The score of satisfaction from accomplishment sometimes goes lower than of enjoyment of negligence. I become restless and less productive until the sense of guilt pushes me to achieve

To get back from my idleness, I do such as: objectifying my capacity of performance to prioritize and reset my list; eliminating distractions, and locking myself up until my tasks end. Nevertheless, there are some reasons I am not able to do my job properly once in a while.

Smartphone:  I cannot do away with a smartphone in my life because it is accessible to essential knowledge. This accessibility becomes a trap, however. Even just before, I complain about my earphone that is exclusively allowable to iPhone, and blame its iPhone connector for my overuse of smartphone. I decide to buy a new Bluetooth earphone as a replacement in Safari and soon go to scroll down at least fifty feeds in Instagram near Safari application before coming back to this essay. This sidetracked state occurs every minute. Why couldn’t I stop glancing at my phone? Several desires explain my impulsive behaviors as shown next. (1) I wait for messages from my acquaintances invariably. Actually, not so many people would contact me. I just long for an update to get excited; (2) Meanwhile, I scroll down the screen until I find something enjoyable. These days short videos shorter than 60 secs on the SNS are so addictive that they paralyze my judgment. Also, finger-scrolling for finding fun feeds is more convenient than the mouse click, as if the small black window in my hands links the global. Nothing bothers me to watch 15-secs videos endlessly. Moreover, this easiest access makes me so impatient that I carry out to play right away whatever is in my head appears such as the movie trailer of John Wick or Attack on Titan. All these effects are pathetic, just like a larva infected by a parasite but I am afraid my life without SNS becomes deadly tedious.

Lying down:  Easy posture is poison. Like nerd neck or crossing one’s leg, lying down give a bad influence on me only except when stretching. If I lean on a bed, I will soon fall asleep. Most of cases, I lie on the ground while turning a blind eye to my obligation such as cleaning the room. It is fair enough to take a break but an unplanned one brings me a guilty conscience and ruins my daily rhythm.

Therefore I would like to prepare an overcoming manual that I don’t have to contemplate but stick to when I need to get out of a rut.

To be continued..